please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize