Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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