using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize