Where did you get a picture of my penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
