The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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