My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
