i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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