Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
