all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
