Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
