dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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