Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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