I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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