how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
