No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
