Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
