Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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