Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
