Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
