We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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