That's when you crack a 10am beer
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize