she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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