happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
