i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
