everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
