I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
