Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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