Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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