In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
