he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
