I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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