I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
