he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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