its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
