i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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