please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how drunk are you?
Several
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
