I heard we made out
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
