You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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