I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
