apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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