You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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