some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
