I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The air taste purple.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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