It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
