So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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