That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
