Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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