I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
