tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
