dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize