we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
