When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
