Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
