just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had sex on a roof
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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