Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
