No period for spring break; use this wisely.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
