Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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