My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
