my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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