If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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