how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
