Betty ford says i'm here all night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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