Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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