Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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