No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
