I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
