He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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