At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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