Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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