He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
