very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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