She announced her abortion via fbk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
