Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
