All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
